Happily unemployed

Instead of job hunting i found myself cruising Casual Encounters on Craigslist. The only headline that got me excited said Let's Wrestle!, but he was looking for erotic wrestling ($100 for under an hour), not the band. The plain fact of CL hookups is it's only there for people who fail IRL.

Going over my numbers for the past 3 years, I admit I'm one of those failures. I'm always chasing the next great single. I woke up this morning realizing I'm breaking my number one life rule for the third time: never move somewhere because you had fun at a festival there.

Got a pocket full of horses tonight anyway.

Dudes With Beards Eating Cupcakes

Ah they're mostly a little on the young side for me but my friend passed along the blog Dudes With Beards Eating Cupcakes and I totally want to call that cute annoying guy who books that bar I like right now and feed him some of the lovely chocolate star shaped cupcakes with butter cream frosting I made tonight so I can take his picture.

To give you a hint, I'll pick the guy who is not jailbait and is eating a red velvet cupcake, because I recently discovered red velvet cupcakes.



See, simple, elegant, humilating. I love it.

Why are there so few attractive guys in New York frickin City? I can hardly masturbate anymore. They're all taken, but not committed. Since my boyfriend visited, yes, one of those silly internet boyfriends, at least I've gotten some of my libido back. I don't even find television or movie stars attractive, but I never have. What I don't remember is a time when I wasn't madly in crush with every guy holding a guitar within a hundred mile radius of my residence.

My libido though, is unattached. My mind drifts off when I am trying to get off. Since I was raped four years ago, I can only come with my knees locked. Why did I want to tell that to the internet? Maybe I'm not the only one. How much does it matter when almost every guy I've slept with since then can't get off from intercourse anyway? Are we even then?

My thirties seem like such a strange place sexually. I'm in a committed relationship but I still fool around on the side, with permission but I don't know how long that privilege will last. I zone out thinking about getting raped and what I should have done and how everyone still loves him and sometimes I love him too. Sometimes, like tonight, I think that's what took my crushiness away. I wanted to have this all on my own terms, but I never expected I could like someone who could hurt me like that.

So I get distracted. I get distracted from having crushes at all. Or maybe I don't need crushes when I'm in love? I've never been like that before. I don't know what I'm like anymore.

Constructive Summer

With a boyfriend on the other side of the country, I'm totally blessed with his permission to have one night stands and friends with benefits. I'm amusing myself with the problem that I have so many amazing guy friends that I WANT to fuck, but I usually manage to control myself. Ha. No, shyness is not control.

So I threw a dinner party with my roommate last night. With all my handwringing about if I should or shouldn't invite fuckable boys, I ended up with one guest who is a dear friend and dating a co-worker. Remebmer, I only run in really small indie rock circles, 7"s not LPs. Then we went to a show where I at least got to drool, touch polyester shirts and go on runs for 40s with boys I REALLY wanted back in my room. Going to shows around the corner from my house makes this worse, the possibility is so there. Isn't it more convienient to fool around at my place than try to get home in the middle of the night?

Oh, but when it's good it's so worth it! I went to see the Hold Steady in NJ and ended up dancing and making out with a totally adorable bearded, tattooed, bass playing travelling 23 year old.

But Joanie, that could be ANY guy at a Hold Steady show!

That's what made him so delicious! I really want to fuck my fair share of scruffy heavyset beer swillin hardcore listening twentysomethings.

He'd taken six hours of public transportation to get to the show and had no idea how he was getting back to where he was staying in New York City. This was a mutually beneficial relationship, he was stranded, I had a car, he was distraught over some musical equipment that had been damaged back home, I was horny.

So I remind myself, this can't happen every weekend. So it didn't happen last night, but it's only Saturday.

Pains in the Pure of Indieass

Me: Sold out show...can't ask Andy to get M in...might have to skip
POBPAH but maybe for sex?
J: Well you have seen them before..
Me: Really need a Crystal Stilts fix though
J: make it quick?

Locas In Love

Brown Recluse Sings

Okay, so Herbie probably doesn't want anyone talking about his ass on the internet, but his Facebook status recently went to single so maybe he won't be mad at the attention I'm about to give him.

See how cute? He's not even the lead singer, just the dumbfounded and adorable accessory to greatness on guitar. If you have any doubts, you have two chances to catch Philly's Brown Recluse Sings
November 15th at The Khyber and December 13th at Johnny Brenda's. Lovely shambolic pop brought to you by Timothy Meskers, Herbert "Herbie with the cute butt" Shellenberger, "OMG This Boy Band Has THREE Brothers' Jesse D., Patrick S. and Ryan M. Todd. You can also order the limited edition Selected Hymns of the Evening Tapestry cassette or their Black Sunday CDEP from the Brown Recluse Sings MySpace, with a full length coming soon.

Cassette? Cassette? Tapes are so sexy. I love it!